


Same Mistake

by NeonSheep



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonSheep/pseuds/NeonSheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot glimpse at Tony's internal monologue during Captain America: The Civil War.  Spoilers for Civil War and it won't make sense if you haven't seen the movie. Songfic to Same Mistake by James Blunt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfiction. I couldn't get this song out of my head while I was watching Civil War. It seemed to explain how Tony was feeling about the Accords. Comments and critique are welcome.

 

_So while I'm turning in my sheets_

_And once again I cannot sleep_

_Walk out the door and up the street_

_Look at the stars beneath my feet_

_Remember rights that I did wrong_

_So here I go_

  
Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s sleep. It was probably before Afghanistan, before his life became the plot to a science fiction movie with aliens attempting world domination and killer robots. Robots he created attempting world domination. As much as he defended himself in the moment, he could never forget that Ultron was his creation, his fault. Killian was his fault. Obi got as far as he did because Tony was too busy getting drunk and sleeping around to pay attention. His ledger had more red than a field full of the strawberries he couldn’t even remember his girlfriend- ex girlfriend now- was allergic to.

 

 

  
_Hello, hello_

_There is no place I cannot go_  
_My mind is muddy but_  
_My heart is heavy does it show_  
_I lose the track that loses me_  
_So here I go_

 

> He tried to wipe away the guilt in the only way he knew how, spending money. He knew he couldn’t buy an end to his problems, but maybe if he tried to use his wealth and influence to do enough good he could someday begin to outweigh all of the harm he caused. Instead of relying on his own unchecked intellect which had brought Ultron to life he would be a patron of the sciences giving young minds with mentor professors and oversight the means to reach for the stars. He tried not to think of the possibility that one of the students in the audience would go on to create the next “murder bot.” He would cross that bridge if he came to it the same way he always did, with the Avengers by his side and witty barbs over the comms.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  _And so I sent some men to fight_  
>  _And one came back at dead of night_  
>  _Said he'd seen my enemy_  
>  _Said he looked just like me_  
>  _So I set out to cut myself_  
>  _And here I go_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Tony almost wished the woman had pulled a gun. A gunshot wound would have probably hurt less than the pain that shot through his chest when she handed him the picture of her son, the son he had killed. Not only had the Avengers done damage trying to stop Ultron, he had created the robot. Without his brilliant stupidity there would never have been a reason to fight in the first place. Maybe there was truth behind the correlation between generosity and guilt, but generosity was the only way he could think of to deal with his guilt that wouldn’t involve drinking himself into an early grave.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  _I'm not calling for a second chance_  
>  _I'm screaming at the top of my voice_  
>  _Give me reason, but don't give me choice_  
>  _Cause I'll just make the same mistake again_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The incident with Wanda and Rumlow was the last straw. He didn’t blame her, not entirely, but he could no longer ignore the fact that The Avengers needed someone who could slam down on the brakes when things got out of hand. They were never meant to exist unchecked. S.H.I.E.L.D. was going to be their voice of reason before it was revealed that they were full of sleeper cells of Cthulhu Scouts. Tony had tried to step in and provide the structure that would keep the team from collapsing, but structure had never been his forte. It had been Pepper’s strong suite before she left. She had never intended to sign on to be the Super Friends’ plucky sidekick, and as much as Tony loved her, he couldn’t ignore his duty. Howard might have been proud at how much like Cap that sounded if he was still around and gave a damn. The Sokovia Accords seemed like the answer to the prayers he never said. The Avengers would have direction and checks and balances that would prevent them from waking up and finding they had become the latest villains of the week while they were trying to do some good.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
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>  _And maybe someday we will meet_  
>  _And maybe talk but not just speak_  
>  _Don't buy the promises cause_  
>  _There are no promises I keep_  
>  _And my reflection troubles me_  
>  _So here I go_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true. Tony was on the verge of tearing his hair out trying to convince Cap why this was necessary. It was a bit surprising that Captain Truth, Justice, and the American Way couldn’t understand the need for discipline. The army had ranks and regulations and oversight. So here Tony was clinging tightly to the shreds of his team feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He didn’t like confining Wanda to the compound, but it was a hell of a lot better than prison. She could be arrested, extradited, or deported for what happened. When did they forget that there were actual laws they had to follow? When did their powers make them above the law? That was exactly why the Accords were needed.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>   
>  _So while I'm turning in my sheets_  
>  _And once again I cannot sleep_  
>  _Walk out the door and up the street_  
>  _Look at the stars_  
>  _Look at the stars falling down_  
>  _And I wonder where_  
>  _Did I go wrong?_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The world was crashing all around him. His friends were turning on him left and right. Cap and Clint were both fugitives from the law along with a guy who could get inside his suit one minute and use airplanes as melee weapons the next. Rhodey, his best friend who stood by him even in all his years as a drunken screw up, may never walk again because of Captain Freedom’s personal war. Even Natasha had changed sides. He had tried and he had failed. Again.


End file.
